Some days I wake up alone in my bed and smile because I slept so comfy and warm...I stretch out and grab my phone from under Jake's pillow...check things online to make sure there were no meltdowns...snooze for a short minute, then stretch...omg stretching is the most holy time.... and slowly...sloooowwwwlllyyyyy.....creep out of bed.
This is on a good day. This is only on some days. This was not today...
Today went a little sorta like that but in the middle of my stretch...yes...RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE of my stretch...was where things went differently...
"MOMMMMMAAAAAAA!!!!!! IM AWAAAAKKKKEEEEE!!!!!"
cue: charlie horse in the calf, and pinched nerve in my spine...
because if you have ever been interrupted during a heavenly stretch, you know that it is anything but pretty. It is painful and horrendous.
but....new and improved Ashley didn't get angry...oh no she did not. New and improved Ashley shook around like a weird seizuring fish out of water in bed until the pain went away and stumbled into the bathroom. bypassing a jabbering Adalyn, and ran THE hottest shower known to mankind. That I did.
While That heated up, I walked calmly to addie and kneeled by her baby gate and said...
"good morning bear...how did you sleep"
"Im awake now momma"
"that's right, you are...but how did you sleep?"
"good! I am so glad. well, momma is going to take a really quick shower. I need you to stay here, take your pull up off and put some panties on and read two books and I will be out okay?"
That is exactly what she did...and I took an amazing shower...I tuned out the crying of my annoying cat, begging for breakfast like he does EVERY SINGLE MORNING like a feral starving animal....I even brushed my teeth...Addie read me a story..we chatted...It was actually a nice start to my day.
This is a comical story...but it's also about something I was waiting to talk to you guys about!
The beautiful Raven posted recently about her battle with not feeling "right"...and her journey to get that way. There are more people who struggle with this than I think most of us know.
So if you do, and you are feeling like you cant talk about it, shoot me an email. I would be more than happy to talk with you. :) But it is never the right plan of action to stay quiet and work through it alone.
I recently went and saw someone...we will call him John. because that is his name.
I went and talked to John because my Prozac wasn't working anymore. It actually seemed to be working against me.
Plus there is a lot going on in my life that is causing me stress. and I needed help arranging it in such a way that helped me manage it efficiently. So I decided that maybe talking to a third party wasn't such a bad idea.
So I went and saw John. He was this big awesome burly man. Not strange at all. In the slightest. Messy office. Laid back as could be. and the best part- he did not think it would benefit me to sit and rehash the past 23 years of my life and dissect them piece by piece. his belief is, that I am who I am, and things that have happened have happened...I cannot change anything or anyone and I can only change me. But that sometimes medicine can help get a person to a place where this is easier to do.
I feel like this man was carved from the same tree as myself. :)
So here I am, about five days since my visit...and so five days since starting my new plan of action...and I couldn't be more pleased with the results thus far.
Right now we have decided that I stay on the Prozac. But he added a couple other meds to the mix and I have not been THIS calm in a very long time. I am not sedated calm. I am normal calm. I am not walking around like I was...kinda like a shorted out robot...idk I was feeling so on edge.
Things are just not getting to me anymore. and it is such a great feeling.
This morning would have been a completely different story 6 days ago. I can promise you that. :)
So, I am proudly shaking my meds like a champ today.